背靠背

Aug 16th

聽著這首歌

"放我的真心在你的手心"

今天是我的生日

要讓今年在張易寧靜的夏天畫下一個句點

這個首歌是我們在天才表演晚會時唱給所有學生聽的

這歌詞寫得很貼切

放我的真心在你的手心  也許明天不再相聚

放你的真情在我的衣襟  風雨吹不進我心的寧靜

放你的名在在我的內心  我們一定會在相聚

放我的歌聲在你的記憶  讓人間多些愛的傳奇

當很多的孩子都哭了  有些老師們也哭了

第二年去的我  總是有一種在看別人的故事的感覺

之後才懂  那就是我去年的樣子

不是別人的故事

是我們的故事

就是這首"我們的故事"

我帶的班就是表演這首歌

因為我很Sunny都很喜歡TENSION  : )

是國高中的記憶了

教這首歌的時候  幾乎全班都哭了

我默默的走在教室裡  看著這些孩子掉眼淚

Sunny也很堅強  沒有哭

一邊哭  他們一邊把這首歌學好

表現很好

那一天  我整天都很瘋

不是一直傻笑  就是大聲唱歌  不然就是大笑

有幾個孩子偷偷的問我 

"老師  你一定也是很難過  只是大笑和唱歌  就不會哭了  對不對?"

: )

這是我的回應

其實  這一次  我很明白

出發之前  我就告訴自己

我去  是要帶給他們快樂的

I'm here to bring them laughs and happiness

他們看見我的笑容  才會有希望

我喜歡那裡的夜晚

喜歡那裡淳樸的感覺

喜歡那裡的星星

喜歡與孩子們做朋友

喜歡牽著孩子的手

喜歡那種無憂無慮的鄉村生活

可是  我知道

you wanna help?

then help many, instead of just few

you wanna do something for this world,

then make youself stronger

這是我這一年來  在去了兩次中間得到最深的體悟

今年的家庭訪問  是最酷的一部分

去閻關村

我沒有打錯字喔

就是閻關村

那是一個全部都是回族住的村落

當然  我去有一部份的原因也是因為張云也住在閻關村

在到達第一家之前

我的學生老遠的就指著一棟房子  "老師  那就是張云家了"

就因為這一句話  我整條路上都一直想著那一家

有個學生還幫我跑去敲他家的門 

只有奶奶在家  張云去田裡了

還好  我都帶著墨鏡 yea, u knew it

回族的家庭都很乾淨  很整齊

媽媽們都很賢淑  爸爸們都感覺是好男人 

就是感覺跟漢族不太一樣 

而且  這是一個回族村  光是用想的就很酷

家訪的這一天  老天很賞臉  是個大晴天

走在萬里無雲的山路上 

天很藍  牽著學生的手 

一家一家  接受他們爸爸媽媽的款待

都是親手做的

很溫暖

我走在路上  話很少

雪蓮很貼心的問我說  "老師你很想念張云吧?  沒遇見他你一定很難過"

我一句也沒吭

是的  那個當下  我是很難過沒有看到張云

可是  現在  想起來  也沒關係 

至少還是很開心的的大太陽下牽著兩個小女生的手走了很久很久  但都不覺得累

喜歡大太陽  你知道的 : )

雖然  回程的途中  校長派了車來接我們

我死勁的往回走就是要走到張云家們口看他回來沒

還沒走到  我就被接上車了   而遠遠的聽到雪連說了一句"張云還沒回來"

在車上  忘記跟自己的約定  哭了

不知道為什麼哭

回到學校  我站在房間門口 

那是一個大太陽 

I was picturing he's standing at the doorway, waiting for us, like last yr

it's beautiful, but he's not there

to be honest,

everytime I opened the door, i wish i could see him standing outside the door, smiling to us, like last yr

sometimes, i felt it's awkward

crying in the sunny day

but i told myslef it's ok

cus that's ur emotion and it's not ganna change

just show whoever u are, and however u feel

that's life

那是最後一天  晚餐校長請我們在外面吃飯

did i mention that I've been a vegetarian since i arrived 張易?

u cannot be that "pure vege" but i just didn't eat nay meat

for some reason, i insisted

校長一直想灌我們酒 

我看到酒過來了  就馬上換桌

it's sth which i'm not suppose to touch

真心話大冒險  他們想不到到底可以問什麼

cus i'm so honest, 根本不怕被問阿

居然問了我一個很有趣的問題  想也沒有想到

"你男朋友是倒追來的嗎?"

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

你說呢?

(可以在下面投票喔  你們  晚點在公布答案)

晚上  原本我想  that's it

it's the goodbye, since he didn't appear, didn't come to me

i sat in my room

i asked myself

then there is a voice coming out

"Maria, u said it never ends, now u're here, then u're ganna give it in?"

"no way"

then i dialed his number

he's home

silent still

"老師  我現在馬上去學校  等我一下"

i ran to the gate sitting alone under the moon

waiting

there he came

it's him

finally he came

again like last yr, we sat in the dark

talking

他說天才表演那天晚上有來過  但是進不來 

所以他就在門口默默的看著我們

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i thought he didn't come b/c he's afraid of seeing me again

but he did and I was walking aroud the gate that day but didn't even notice it

i'm sorry

though we sat there under the same starry sky, as last yr

though we talked about the same things, as last yr

though we tried to be just like last yr

but it's different

it doesn't feel the same

he's grown up

I think he's fearing sth, he's hiding sth

somehow I understand that contradictory feeling

cus i feel the same way,

just I'm older and more honest, so i'm able to show my emotion naturally

it's like

u love this kid, this teacher, very much

since u have great great memory last yr,

and she made her promise to come back again

partially just for him, yes

he's surprised and touched

but somehow he understands this might very possibly be the last time u two see each other

cus last yr, u knew there would be this next yr,

but there isn't always a next yr

u felt contradictory

so he's quiet, i did most of the talking

i think he knows i was tearing

while we listened to some of my fav songs talking about believing and hope

while we talked about future plans

while I reminded him of how to learn Eng like last yr

while he told me about the school

even when i arrived the hotel in 銀川

i called him, he's still so silent, 從來沒有聽過他著麼沉默

I hang up the phone as soon as possible

cus I was ganna cried so hard

but u know what

though i felt the same way as he did

I truely believe that we'll see each other in the future

cus I believe

like I did last yr

so even I teared

I still smiled

being myslef

and I know he's a good kid, a great great kid

the best student i ever had in my life

and I'm not ganna change

cus I love that kid

yup, I guess this is the end of this yr's starry serene summer story

I really miss that place, the sunshine, while everyone was so scared of the hot hot sun

every single pair of innocent eyes

i know over there

i can fully be myslef

and do the things i like

being a great teacher

mum asked me if I want to go again next yr if time allows

even i've been there for 2 yrs

the answer's still yes