背靠背

當一個leader 真的很難

就連小小的leader 都很不容易

sometimes you want to be yourself

but at the same time you need to match others' expectations

you thought

" I'm the leader. I'm the one who should the make decision."

of course you'll try to make the best decision,

however, things are not always going your way and people with different thoughts are actually pretty annoying.

I hate that.

I hate taking the responsibilities even though I know everyone especially someone like me should learn to be able to deal with these tough things and take responsibilities.

I know that in the future, I'm going to face this kind of situations very very often.

I'll learn.

I'm learning.

I just hate it so much.

---

As for the dreams,

recently I started working on these things, searching for programs matching my interests, looking for suggestions and collecting book information.

It sounds like I'm making progress, at least beginning taking action.

no doubt the feeling is good and I'm a bit satisfied with my work despite the fact I'm still not studying everyday.

but, actually, these things confused me a lot. I felt like I'm nervous right now instead of confident or exciting or  some other positive emotions.

I don't know if  "nervous" is a kind of positive emotion or not, since the Hornets lost Game7 due to their nervousness.

No, I don't.

But one of the emotions I have right now is fear,

and I'm sure fear is absolutely a positive emotion.

coz recently I've ever heard this:

"Fear you come this far and it could all end. The dream could die.

But me, I like the fear. It means I'm close. It means,  I'm ready."



However, look at the Suns and the Hornets,

even if you're close and you're ready,

it could still all end,

no matter with or without good results.

The Suns ended their journey without good results

while the Hornets ended their surprising journey with positive results, accompanying just a little bit regrets.

Since it could all end and time is ganna take it all, would the dream die?

No, I don't think so.

But if you ask me which I wanna be like, the Suns ore the Hornets, both with the dream,

in the past few years, my answer would definitely be the SUNS

but now, I'm ganna say it's the Hornets.

Coz I don't wanna make wrong decision and waste everything I already got.





Besides, it needs hard work, very very hard work, just like both the Suns and the Hornets.

I'm ganna take this challenge with the fear in my mind.



But before that, I need someone to help me make the right decision.